I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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