oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
