woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize