I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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