I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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