remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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