He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
