Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
