My liver just broke up with me...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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