white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize