Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
