Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
