My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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