Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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