I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
