I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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