I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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