I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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