Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
