did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
