Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
