I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
