remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
