how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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