so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize