Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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