Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
