Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
