Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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