I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
