He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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