I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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