Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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