your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
