Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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