Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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