I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
