My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
