i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
