my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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