I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
