but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize