She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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