Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
