Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
