If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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