Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
