3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
