We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
third nipple confirmed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
