There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
wow bdsm is so cute
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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