They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize