ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize