my sisters under your porch take her home
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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