can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
