Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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