i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
