Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
