I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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