I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
