This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
