This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
