I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
