Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
