things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
