I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
