I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize