New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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