Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
