You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
